Pumpkin pie is better than apple pie because while you can eat an apple in several different iterations, pumpkin is typically reserved for pies and pies alone. Apples are great for you and aren’t bad tasting, but pumpkin? That’s a flavor which is synonymous with Thanksgiving, the World Series of eating. It’s a special food for a special time of year, in turn making anyone who eats it feel–wait for it–special. An apple a day might keep the doctor away, but if you’re eating one each day, the last place you want it to show up is in your dessert.
Apple pie is better because nobody ever says “American as pumpkin pie.“ The beauty of apple pie is how powerfully it transforms a simple, healthy fruit into a deliciously decadent dessert, and really, what’s more American than that? Moreover, every pumpkin pie ever made looks exactly the same, but the ways to dress up and accessorize an apple pie are endless. You can top it with a latticework crust, you can top it with crumbles, you can eat it a la mode. Heck, you can even eat it with a melted slice of cheddar cheese on top (which you should really try if you haven’t already). To put it another way: Apple pie is for traditionalists. Pumpkin pie is for basics.